One more final push and I'll be done with my first set of grad school applications.
All I need to do is:
-check in with one of my recommendation writers
-finish the last 1/2 page of my personal statement (ie the scary part of what is left)
-meet with the resume adviser & finish that
-check over the application form
What I have done:
-contacted individuals for recommendations
-gone to the program's open house & met with various faculty
-written 3+ pages of my personal statement & gone through 3 revisions
-begun resume & found someone to help me perfect it
I honestly don't know which has been more frightening to me personally - actually ASKING people to recommend me OR writing the personal statement.
Either way I am finally on the home stretch after years of fear and procrastination!
26 November 2009
Hungry-Girl Scares Me....
Perusing through her database (for a good turkey noodle soup recipe as I will be having leftovers galore...) and came upon this:
If this is how she reacts to tag-along fat, I wonder how she manages to take her fish oils every day......if she even does.
Dear Soupster, I love soup and eat a LOT of it. But I've often wondered the same EXACT thing. Like when I'm eating a canned soup that is supposed to only have two grams of fat in it, and I see these little circles of what appear to be oil floating on top. I will say to myself, ARE THOSE CIRCLES THE ACTUAL TWO FAT GRAMS FLOATING RIGHT THERE ON TOP? Then I remove them (because they are weird and scary) and eat the soup. Those oily spots aren't necessarily "bad" -- they're just a little gross and likely have some fat content, so they can be worth removing. If there seems to be a lot of oily gunk in your bowl, you can just scoop it off with a spoon and get rid of it. Easy to do, and you'll save some fat and calories. Luckily, those oily circles often float to the top of the bowl and are easy to dispose of. Good riddance! |
If this is how she reacts to tag-along fat, I wonder how she manages to take her fish oils every day......if she even does.
29 October 2009
On my mind. . .
- If it can't withstand some wind, how can we expect the Bay Bridge to make it through the next big quake?
- After much thought and research I have realized that anabolic steroids are not the devil. I've been reading a lot on this and listening to quite a few podcasts (and following up on the entailed statements), and don't see how anyone can justify the amount of time and taxpayer dollars that goes into prosecuting individuals trafficking in/possessing these steroids.
- I am against the use of anabolic steroids for performance unless said organization explicitly allows for them in their bylaws.
- I need to get a part time job.
- I need to work on my personal statement
- I like almond butter better than almonds.
- Figure/Fitness/FBB competitions are oddly entertaining. I find the criteria frustratingly confusing, am not a big fan of posing in bikinis, and think the effort the competitors go to in terms of dieting/training is insane. Nevertheless, I find the fitness routines to be inspiring (particularly the 45 second routine that was just fazed out), the dedication of the competitors to be impressive (and in some cases, troubling), and the psychological reaction to the post-show weight regain to be fascinating. I guess the idea of losing all that weight while knowing that there will be a fixed point at which some will be regained both purposefully (for muscle gain) and necessarily.
- how ironic it is that men seem to prefer the offseason body of a competitor while women prefer their competition look
- how much my hip hurts
- that my chiropractor will probably hit me again tomorrow when I admit to stepping on the stairmill after telling him I would (try to) avoid it.
- that I didn't want to do lunges until the chiro told me that can't do any lifting and especially not squats or lunges.
.... and much much more.
- After much thought and research I have realized that anabolic steroids are not the devil. I've been reading a lot on this and listening to quite a few podcasts (and following up on the entailed statements), and don't see how anyone can justify the amount of time and taxpayer dollars that goes into prosecuting individuals trafficking in/possessing these steroids.
- I am against the use of anabolic steroids for performance unless said organization explicitly allows for them in their bylaws.
- I need to get a part time job.
- I need to work on my personal statement
- I like almond butter better than almonds.
- Figure/Fitness/FBB competitions are oddly entertaining. I find the criteria frustratingly confusing, am not a big fan of posing in bikinis, and think the effort the competitors go to in terms of dieting/training is insane. Nevertheless, I find the fitness routines to be inspiring (particularly the 45 second routine that was just fazed out), the dedication of the competitors to be impressive (and in some cases, troubling), and the psychological reaction to the post-show weight regain to be fascinating. I guess the idea of losing all that weight while knowing that there will be a fixed point at which some will be regained both purposefully (for muscle gain) and necessarily.
- how ironic it is that men seem to prefer the offseason body of a competitor while women prefer their competition look
- how much my hip hurts
- that my chiropractor will probably hit me again tomorrow when I admit to stepping on the stairmill after telling him I would (try to) avoid it.
- that I didn't want to do lunges until the chiro told me that can't do any lifting and especially not squats or lunges.
.... and much much more.
23 October 2009
I hate secrets
Apparently they've been trying to hide our financial situation from me. As in we are in the red. Monthly. Fuck.
Of course I get the bare minimum in foods, no extras like magazines or coffee, library books only, use as little electricity as possible.... So I'm cutting back on my one luxury - massages (if you talked to me for 10 minutes you'd know why they are there) are being cut in half.
I spend my weeks looking forward to them. They are the ONLY thing in my life that I have to look forward to on a regular basis. I know I'm horribly spoiled for having them, but considering the fact that I wake up in pain throughout the night....they've been a lifesaver.
Next - therapy. Cutting back there as well. Sessions are being halved. Already called my T. Same with the CMT.
I won't mention the other stuff... less significant, but still gone.
The job and volunteer situation is a whole different mess for another day. It is simply too much to cope with all at one time. Especially minutes after getting home following my massage & therapy. Yep, THAT is when this lovely truth was revealed to me.
And guess who made that error in judgement?
The Daft And Dense one. That is who.
Of course I get the bare minimum in foods, no extras like magazines or coffee, library books only, use as little electricity as possible.... So I'm cutting back on my one luxury - massages (if you talked to me for 10 minutes you'd know why they are there) are being cut in half.
I spend my weeks looking forward to them. They are the ONLY thing in my life that I have to look forward to on a regular basis. I know I'm horribly spoiled for having them, but considering the fact that I wake up in pain throughout the night....they've been a lifesaver.
Next - therapy. Cutting back there as well. Sessions are being halved. Already called my T. Same with the CMT.
I won't mention the other stuff... less significant, but still gone.
The job and volunteer situation is a whole different mess for another day. It is simply too much to cope with all at one time. Especially minutes after getting home following my massage & therapy. Yep, THAT is when this lovely truth was revealed to me.
And guess who made that error in judgement?
The Daft And Dense one. That is who.
22 October 2009
Body Image & Media
I was checking out Harriet Brown's blog and noticed a post about a psych research study in need of participants:
"Tina Indalecio, who's getting her PhD at Fielding Graduate University, is running a survey on how advertising media affects people with eating disorder or body image issues. I'm all for anything that helps with research around eating disorders, because God knows there's not very much of it.
So if you'd like to help Tina, you can read more about her research and/or take her survey here. The password you'll need is temp1212. The deadline for participating is Wednesday, October 28, by 11:45p.m."
It only takes a couple minutes, so help a grad student out and add a few extra clicks to your day!
21 October 2009
I have an opinion, so shoot me!
I feel like I signed up to be on a "Most Hated' list today.
Oh well. Sucks, but sometimes honesty hurts. Me.
19 October 2009
Questions without answers
Why is it so much easier to over-train than under-train?
Psychologically?
Physically?
Why is it easier to assume you have to physically work harder for your goals than necessary?
And why do you have to stop what you are doing in order for an injury to go away? (ok, yes, this one is answerable. I just needed to whine)
Psychologically?
Physically?
Why is it easier to assume you have to physically work harder for your goals than necessary?
And why do you have to stop what you are doing in order for an injury to go away? (ok, yes, this one is answerable. I just needed to whine)
13 October 2009
Stupid hip
You know you overdid it one too many days in a row when your quad muscles are chronically seized up.
Stupid me.
Stupid me.
10 October 2009
Read, Visit, & Save
Whether you need something near:
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/AffiliateFinder.cfm
http://www.211database.org
Or just a voice on a line
Suicide Prevention
800.273.TALK
800.SUICIDE
Crisis Intervention
800.833.2900
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/AffiliateFinder.cfm
http://www.211database.org
Or just a voice on a line
Suicide Prevention
800.273.TALK
800.SUICIDE
Crisis Intervention
800.833.2900
07 October 2009
Psych Surveys
One thing about me: I love reading about human psychology. I was recently tipped off on a few sites where people can go and participate in/help out professional psychology researchers by participating in online surveys. So far I've done a few and definitely plan on doing some more.
socialpsychology.org/expts
One thing to note is that not all of the surveys are professional (some are student), so be wary of the different standards that are applied to the conduct of both types. Simply put, professional research surveys are held to a higher standard and will hold more weight as they are much more thoroughly vetted.
socialpsychology.org/expts
One thing to note is that not all of the surveys are professional (some are student), so be wary of the different standards that are applied to the conduct of both types. Simply put, professional research surveys are held to a higher standard and will hold more weight as they are much more thoroughly vetted.
06 October 2009
Point of pride
Whatever my issues with food/body image/exercise might suggest, I have to say one thing I'm proud of:
I eat REAL food.
My milk has some fat.
My cottage cheese has more fat.
My salads are topping with fat.
And my nut butters REVEL in their fattiness.
And carbs?
There too. :-)
I eat REAL food.
My milk has some fat.
My cottage cheese has more fat.
My salads are topping with fat.
And my nut butters REVEL in their fattiness.
And carbs?
There too. :-)
24 September 2009
I'm slipping. Eh. Tense. Slipping...slipped... had nowhere to fall from... details.
Between starting school this week, the argument with my father last Friday, feeling completely useless during my training, too much free time with minimal local friends, and this damn heatwave.... I'm finding myself in an emotional state that I haven't been in months. Perhaps even a year.
Like my chest is so heavy that my ribs are collapsing onto my lungs. Each inhale too short and too shallow; the exhales merely an afterthought. Occasionally even forgotten.
And true to the past my mind instantly reverts to food, exercise, and imagined (??) extra flesh. My gut feels like it hangs over my pants, but when I look in the mirror my ab veins are clear.
I want out of this place, this darkness. I wish my grad school app was over and done with, as I'm sure this is also very relevant to my present state.
Logically I know what I need to do to get 'better': eat more, get the application over with, stop lurking online, rest more
But I just feel stuck.
Between starting school this week, the argument with my father last Friday, feeling completely useless during my training, too much free time with minimal local friends, and this damn heatwave.... I'm finding myself in an emotional state that I haven't been in months. Perhaps even a year.
Like my chest is so heavy that my ribs are collapsing onto my lungs. Each inhale too short and too shallow; the exhales merely an afterthought. Occasionally even forgotten.
And true to the past my mind instantly reverts to food, exercise, and imagined (??) extra flesh. My gut feels like it hangs over my pants, but when I look in the mirror my ab veins are clear.
I want out of this place, this darkness. I wish my grad school app was over and done with, as I'm sure this is also very relevant to my present state.
Logically I know what I need to do to get 'better': eat more, get the application over with, stop lurking online, rest more
But I just feel stuck.
20 September 2009
So....
I eat less than I'd advise anyone with my training load^ consume.
I log in a greater training volume than I'd recommend to most endurance* athletes.
Yep. And I know I'm shooting myself in the foot by doing so.
It is always easier to offer advice than it is to follow it.
^: Still better fed than a (insert nearly any BB/FBB prep coach's name) client.
*: excludes those participating in IronMan events, distance duathlons, Ultras, or other incredibly long/intense events. Even I have limits.
I log in a greater training volume than I'd recommend to most endurance* athletes.
Yep. And I know I'm shooting myself in the foot by doing so.
It is always easier to offer advice than it is to follow it.
^: Still better fed than a (insert nearly any BB/FBB prep coach's name) client.
*: excludes those participating in IronMan events, distance duathlons, Ultras, or other incredibly long/intense events. Even I have limits.
22 August 2009
No Advice Needed
Why must we 'fix'? Sure there are times when attempts to aide another are appropriate. When requested, for example. But choosing to speak to someone does not necessarily connote a request. Emoting, sharing, confiding.... these are signs of respect. Respect? I know, I know.... your mind is flashing to that annoying friend who always whines about this, that, and the other, or that stranger who just told you some sob story after you both reached for the produce bag dispenser at the same time. Not that kind of sharing - more like the random, Kerouac narrative that breaks out between two people who have earned each others confidence.
That.
A truth is told, a problem explained, an insecurity unveiled.
Today it was my turn. I've told it before, but I never actually knew the answer I wanted, all I knew was that her response wasn't it. So, pigheaded me changes the language and tries again, while well-intentioned though ignorant she responds in her typical fashion.
I find myself waist deep in a pile of should.
She finds herself flailing and goes for the offensive defense of "I know that no matter what I suggest you will reject it"
And she is right.
Not because her advice is without merit, but because it was never solicited.
I KNOW what I can do. I know my options. I know that eventually I will have to pick one and move out of my misery. (whether I stay because fear of the unknown or because it still is so fresh, I don't know)
But the advice wasn't wanted. All I ask for is to be heard.
Sound hard? I'll explain the concept.
Next time someone tells you something, listen and don't cut them off (I know, I know, you would never...). When they are done, follow up with something simple, such as:
How do you feel about that?
It sounds like you feel .....
Sounds like a difficult situation
etc
And wait. This can go on for a while.... give them that time. Thank them for sharing that with you. Acknowledge how they feel and don't dismiss it. If appropriate, ask them what they think can/should be done to improve/celebrate/fix the problem.
Yes, it is very likely that the answer they arrive at is different than your own, but is it wrong? Sometimes, yes. If it is, suggest they think it over or pose a problem that might arise. But don't fix it. If they end up making a mistake, then it is their own. They need it to learn.
Likewise, you might find that your sense of a solution is very different than their own.... maybe even not as good. This isn't because one person is smarter or one person is more efficient, but because each person has a different reality. A different view.
Personal example: I'm lonely. I'm single. I would like to meet a significant other (male, 5'8+, active, intelligent, funny, motivated, likes me)
How she has (in the past) responded: Go clubbing. Start going out more at night. Wear more makeup & spend time at the mall.
Why these don't "fit" me:
-I'm a morning person
-I don't drink
-I like to spend my evenings relaxing
-Reading, hiking/walking, lifting, and talking over coffee are my favorite luxuries. Oh, and learning anything and everything I can about anything that peaks my interest at that particular moment.
-I'm not unattractive
-I'd rather spend money on books/ebooks, fitness equipment, better quality foods.... than a nightie from VS (especially since I think my undies + his shirt would work much better).
Other possible responses (all good):
Do you feel ready to enter a relationship?
What do you want in a guy? Where do you think he might hang out?
What do you see as viable ways to meet such a guy?
How much are you willing to put yourself out there?
Then just paraphrase what they said and shut up.
Active Listening 101.
That.
A truth is told, a problem explained, an insecurity unveiled.
Today it was my turn. I've told it before, but I never actually knew the answer I wanted, all I knew was that her response wasn't it. So, pigheaded me changes the language and tries again, while well-intentioned though ignorant she responds in her typical fashion.
I find myself waist deep in a pile of should.
She finds herself flailing and goes for the offensive defense of "I know that no matter what I suggest you will reject it"
And she is right.
Not because her advice is without merit, but because it was never solicited.
I KNOW what I can do. I know my options. I know that eventually I will have to pick one and move out of my misery. (whether I stay because fear of the unknown or because it still is so fresh, I don't know)
But the advice wasn't wanted. All I ask for is to be heard.
Sound hard? I'll explain the concept.
Next time someone tells you something, listen and don't cut them off (I know, I know, you would never...). When they are done, follow up with something simple, such as:
How do you feel about that?
It sounds like you feel .....
Sounds like a difficult situation
etc
And wait. This can go on for a while.... give them that time. Thank them for sharing that with you. Acknowledge how they feel and don't dismiss it. If appropriate, ask them what they think can/should be done to improve/celebrate/fix the problem.
Yes, it is very likely that the answer they arrive at is different than your own, but is it wrong? Sometimes, yes. If it is, suggest they think it over or pose a problem that might arise. But don't fix it. If they end up making a mistake, then it is their own. They need it to learn.
Likewise, you might find that your sense of a solution is very different than their own.... maybe even not as good. This isn't because one person is smarter or one person is more efficient, but because each person has a different reality. A different view.
Personal example: I'm lonely. I'm single. I would like to meet a significant other (male, 5'8+, active, intelligent, funny, motivated, likes me)
How she has (in the past) responded: Go clubbing. Start going out more at night. Wear more makeup & spend time at the mall.
Why these don't "fit" me:
-I'm a morning person
-I don't drink
-I like to spend my evenings relaxing
-Reading, hiking/walking, lifting, and talking over coffee are my favorite luxuries. Oh, and learning anything and everything I can about anything that peaks my interest at that particular moment.
-I'm not unattractive
-I'd rather spend money on books/ebooks, fitness equipment, better quality foods.... than a nightie from VS (especially since I think my undies + his shirt would work much better).
Other possible responses (all good):
Do you feel ready to enter a relationship?
What do you want in a guy? Where do you think he might hang out?
What do you see as viable ways to meet such a guy?
How much are you willing to put yourself out there?
Then just paraphrase what they said and shut up.
Active Listening 101.
03 August 2009
Disclaimer: Honesty is hard
I am honest. I am aware. I see my faults and I see the stupidity in some of the things I do. If I see someone else hurting themselves, going down a path that I know will only lead to misery, I won't be silent. I won't pester them, but I respect and care for others enough to try and share what little knowledge I have if it might save them from unnecessary suffering.
At the same time I know that I cause myself pain on a daily basis. No, the pain is not necessary, and yes, the actions I consistently make are stupid. I do attempt to rationalize the irrational occasionally, but I am working on that. Could I be making greater strides? Yes. But I'm not. I don't apologize for that.
I have to live with that. I don't mind (much) if you want to point out my flaws, just make it as helpful as you can. Insults and attacks are unnecessary and unwanted.
It has taken me a long time to even attempt this kind of openness, so please, help me make it last and don't be an ass.
Thank you.
At the same time I know that I cause myself pain on a daily basis. No, the pain is not necessary, and yes, the actions I consistently make are stupid. I do attempt to rationalize the irrational occasionally, but I am working on that. Could I be making greater strides? Yes. But I'm not. I don't apologize for that.
I have to live with that. I don't mind (much) if you want to point out my flaws, just make it as helpful as you can. Insults and attacks are unnecessary and unwanted.
It has taken me a long time to even attempt this kind of openness, so please, help me make it last and don't be an ass.
Thank you.
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