I'm flirting with resurrecting this thing.

The only thing holding me back is my track record on blogs/journals....well, that and my ambivalence about the whole thing. I can go a day barely saying one thing and end up feeling like writing a novel, or I can blabber on like no one's business and resent the thought of touching a keyboard.

I just thought it was worth noting that I have long since submitted the application in question. A couple weeks ago I actually got a call from the school requesting an interview (go me!). Better yet, I actually rocked the interview (an event I've feared so greatly that I only applied to colleges that didn't require them, for my undergrad). Damn, that sentence was awkward!

And just last week I found out that I got in.

But I'm not jumping for joy. Everyone else is cheering louder than I could have ever hoped for. Me? I think I'm just stunned. I mean, I pretty much delayed grad school because I was afraid of failing at it. Of not having the courses necessary (my mother is always absolutely positive that there is some minor detail I've overlooked), not meeting application deadlines, writing a horrible personal statement and not getting an interview request, or should I get that interview - I blow it.

But none of those happened and now I wonder. I wonder why I put my life on hold for that fear. I don't know how much of my life is guided by fear, but I'd hazard a guess that the answer is something like "a lot".